Thursday, May 12, 2016

teenage parenting

Two weeks ago I was driving Kaishon home from a school dance.

It was the night before Mother's Day. 

This dance was a dance that had been thrown upon me 48 hours before attending. A dance where the outfit of choice was questioned heavily by me. A dance that cost $48 to attend.

A dance. A dance. A dance.

So, picture this. It's 11 PM. I have to get up the next morning to work at the hospital. I had been with 2 little people all day and was completely exhausted. I had a million more photos to edit of a wedding but I had broken away to pick up my one and only child from the dance. I was drained. You get the picture, right?

 My cherub, says to me, in all sincerity, "You aren't going to win any Mother of the Year awards, Mom."

I am sure a more loving and kind mother would have smiled sublimely and said, "Maybe I can win one next year." 

This mother, yelled. I yelled something like this: "Are you crazy? I am not going to win any Mother of the Year awards? Why would you even say something like that to me? You aren't going to win any Child of the Year awards. You aren't even going to win any Human of the Year awards." Or something equally stupid. 

And then I cried.

Kaish, being a rational and intelligent person, got out of the car and went into the house. 
So, I sat there in the driveway hyperventilating.

I am not going to lie to you, I am terrible at mothering a teenager. More terrible than anything you could ever imagine. I would have thought I would do fine at this. Back when I was a young Mom and we were breezing through the baby, toddler and pre K years, you couldn't tell me anything. I just knew, without a doubt, I would rock out ALL areas of motherhood.

But here I am.

Flat on my face.

I am terrible at it and I admit it. They say that is the first step, right?

I know things will get better soon. 
Kaish is a great kid. 
In fact, I think he is the world's greatest.

My friend Skeller recommended Dr. Lehman's books and I intend to read one soon. Just as soon as I can trim my massive amount of editing. So, basically, next Christmas...

With love,
the Parenting Failure of the Year


Tamar SB said...


Kathy McB said...

I'm sorry, but your commentary makes me laugh. But I'm laughing because I know all of which you speak too well. So...welcome to the club...drinks will be served at 9:00 :)

Gigi said...

You are an amazing mom. There's just this period in our children's lives when they make us completely crazy - believe me, I know.

Hang in there - this phase will be over before you know.

Sending hugs.

*Jess* said...

I thought I was the only one who didn't like parenting teens!! Big hugs, Becky. You rock!

photowannabe said...

Oh how i feel for you. Parenting is hard...I say that because my babies are almost 49 and 44 years .

I love my sons with all my heart and things do get better and evolve.
But you and I will always be Mom...with all of our opinions, distractions and desires for them and us.

Great post and here's a big hug for you...



Mari said...

I have a feeling that all moms reading this can relate! I know I lost it far too many times, and I felt like such a failure. The good thing is that kids (even teenagers) tend to forgive and remember the good, not the bad. Now my kids are all grown, and they tell me what a great mom I am, and was. But I clearly remember some of those mess-ups. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Cindy said...

Mari is right, we can all relate. The moments we've lost our temper, lost our cool, spewed words we later regret... done it all. We all think, at one time or another, that we've ruined our kids for life. But kids are forgiving. Sit down with him, tell him what kind of day you were having, apologize, and I promise it will get better. Hang in there!

Buster and Buster said...

Chin Up! Its a grind day in and day out, its a sacrifice. I don't even know if I'll make it past the toddler years! HA. Teens are mean.. but when he is an adult he will remember all your sacrifices. Hugs

Tracy P. said...

Oh girlie! I feel you!

Hold on, that last photo?? Whoa! And all of the photos? And Bria? You're amazing. The reason is because of the connections you instantly make with everyone! You just love the beauty right out of people.

So. We are in this teenager raising thing together. Any teenager who thinks their parent is going to win a parent of the year award is being friended rather than parented. My parenting mantra is "Bear with one another in love." It's from the Bible. I can't even tell you where. But it's what we all have to do, because there isn't one of us that doesn't need it right back--because we all fail in it! Your honesty is half of the battle. Don't lose hope, Becky. We would love to just see one glimpse into the future that our kid grows up to be a decent human being with some love and some faith and some respect, but we will have to wait. God has their future, and he's the one who totally hand picked you for Kaishon. Hugs to you!

Anita Johnson said...

I haven't visited in a long time. This is part of parenting. You did fine. And you will continue. It's hard and wonderful. I find my encouragement in the Bible. Strength for today, bright hope for tomorrow. Eternity secure.

bettyl-NZ said...

Nobody's perfect, but this book helped me with my stepkids:
He says they are literally brain damaged but get better!

She Writes said...

While I am not currently blogging, I am still reading blogs :). Sometimes we just get tired, or frazzled, or hope our child thinks we're kind of great, since we think he/she is an amazing kid. Our kids don't know yet that our hearts are fragile in their hands.

Science has discovered that brains don't finish developing until the mid to late twenties. This explains a whole lot. Even the most sensitive, amazingly amazing teenagers have brains that are still developing, still understanding long term consequences, etc., etc. Your Kaish is a great kid. You're a great mom--having a mom moment--having a heart moment--having a moment of hoping Kaish sees you--really, really sees you--as you long to be seen by a person you've poured your life into. Sometimes it's the people around us who remind us of the things our kids don't know we need to hear as much as we--yet!

<3 xoxoamy