Thursday, January 26, 2012

'Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.' ~Oprah Winfrey

This week has been kind of hard.
Kaish is having some friend issues.

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No one talks to him at lunch.
One little boy asks him why he sits at 'their' table.
I guess they are the cool kids and I guess he isn't cool enough.
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I told him he should sit at a different table.
I told him that some day the cool table in Junior high won't even matter.
I told him that when I was in 7th or 8th grade I used to take extra fruit roll ups or tasty kakes so I could give them to the popular girl at lunch so I could be in her circle.
8.31.11, DePaul House in Philadelphia is a shelter for men. These men work very hard to overcome their difficult circumstances. I believe the next chapter in the book of their lives is going to be beautiful. Tuesday, June 7
See, I was great friends with all of her friends,
but the cool girl leader didn't like me that much.
I knew it.
I could tell.
That girl took the treats for a while.
But then she stopped taking them.
I felt like even more of a loser.
 5.23.11 4.13.11
4.4.11
3.21.11 
Thankfully I got over it
and have gone on to live a very happy and fulfilling life.
Will you pray for him right now?
Knowing that he is hurting just about breaks my heart.
3.7.11

2.9 today 2.19 Today
We sure do miss the Shosh-meister!
Were you cool in school?
Did you sit at the popular table at lunch?

63 comments:

Teri M said...

Oh, the school years (especially middle and high) can be so tough! I feel for him. I had a group of friends but I was definitely not popular and often felt excluded from things. It can be hard to know that this will pass when he is right in the thick of it, but it will. *hugs*

LceeL said...

Nope. I was not cool, I sat by myself, and no one talked to me because they couldn't understand me. I read - READ - the whole dictionary by the time I graduated grade school.

themrs said...

aww poor Kaishon :( that breaks my heart! i had a lot of friends in high school, though not really the "popular" kids. however, my freshman year i decided that nobody should eat lunch alone. so every day i invited anyone who was alone to sit with me :)

LceeL said...

p.s. I think I turned out okay. :)

LceeL said...

p.p.s. I think Kaishon, who ROCKS, is gonna turn out okay, too.

Lolli said...

Oh, that breaks my heart, too! I was not one of the popular ones per se, but I had a good group of friends. In elementary school I was in the nerdy class, but we stuck together. :)

Mari said...

I'm hurting for Kaishon and for you too. Sometimes I think this kind of thing is harder on the Mom than it is for the kid. Kaish is an amazing kid and he has an amazing family. I know he'll turn out great, but I also know it hurts right now. I'll pray for him and you too!
No - I didn't sit at the cool kids table either. I was in the "Middle class". You know what though? I think us non-cool kids turn out better in the long run!

Brooke said...

It's so hard to be a kid sometimes! Poor guy. He'll get through this, and be BETTER for it ;D

PS - nope, I don't think I ever sat at the cool table. They never like me either!

the hollie rogue said...

breaks my heart for him...i'm so dreading when my daughter realizes she can be rejected by peers. it's bound to happen, but we just want to protect them from that, i guess. he's such a cutie and i will be praying for him, ,for sure. thanks for linking up!

Gigi said...

Oh! This made me cry! Junior high and high school is SOOO hard! I know he won't "get" it now, but pretty soon this will be behind him. And he will go on and be the fabulous, beautiful person that he is meant to be. And those nasty, mean kids? Well, they will grow up to be nasty, mean people. And their lives will reflect that.

In the meantime, I'm saying my prayers for Kaish (and you, because I know it's so hard to witness such meanness). And tonight, give that boy an extra hug from me.

Tamar SB said...

Aw, poor Kaish! I was never the cool kid, I was a tom-boy but not boy-ish enough for the boys, also a little girly, but not enough for the girls. And with my speech issues I was just not in-enough! But tell Kaish, it gets better! One day he will find the best friends that love him for who he is!! I found my circle, he will toO!!

Shey said...

oh my goodness =( I feel so bad for Kaish, my son is going somewhat through a similar situation, I see him after school trying to follow a group of kids to talk to and they just ignore him, he's usually sitting down immersed in his books and I think that's the reason he reads a lot. I'll be praying for Kaish.

DebC said...

Something to say in a comment?
I'm at a loss.
But God heard my prayer :)
and all the others offered up
for you and Kaish.

patty said...

we are having our first meeting of women who want to do something to nurture the self-esteem of girls. we have no formal name, but basically, we want to try to counteract some of these behaviors that happen, especially in middle school.
i'm so sorry kaishon is goin g through this... he's adorable.
your photos in this post are great, too, *becky* :).
(((H))) to you and kaishon!
xo

Alisa said...

My son (now 9) had a rough year the year before last... He was horribly attacked by a group of kids while he walked across the school field alone, then they teased hiim all year. Then there was a little boy who picked on him all year and his teacher didnt like him.. He was so lonely and it broke my heart seeing him pull into himself. Luckily a school social worker and a great teacher last year worked hard on him and he is back to his bright and bubbly self. Its so hard to see our children struggle, especially when we send them off to school and trust they are safe and looked after. I hope your wee man is in better spirits soon.. and yes one day he will look back and this moment wont matter so much. I will think of him and hope he finds a happier path very soon.

Amarie said...

I sure wasn't popular, but I had two best friends, so I was okay! But tell Kaishon to not even sweat the small stuff, even though I know it's so hard for them to see that at that age. I'm praying it gets better.:)

SarahinSC said...

I will certainly send up prayers for Kaish! It's such a hard time. My son's best friend moved last year too and life is still not the same without him. It's hard not having your best friend around. Everything just seems a little more bleak. I will pray that God puts someone special in both my son's life and your son's life. That makes such a difference!

keli [at] kidnapped by suburbia said...

poor Kaish ... that's got to be hard, and I will definitely keep him in my thoughts. WE know that in the end, this time in his life will actually make him stronger. but it's so so hard as he's going through it - for him and for his momma. xo

i went to a small private school with only 35 people in each grade, so there wasn't really a "cool crowd" - we all went to school together from K5 through 12th grade, so we were like a family. i kind of wish i had gone through the dynamics of public school - it seems like it would have been interesting. and hard.

Jade @ Tasting Grace said...

Oh poor Kaish. Junior high is hard. It really, really is. But at least it's relatively short and high school does get better. But the thing is: it's hard for EVERYBODY. Even the popular kids - just some are better than others at hiding it. But the popular kids have their own pressures. I was kind of middle level - not popular, but like enough to fly under the radar. And junior high was still crap because kids are growing and figuring themselves out, and trying new things...which often means trying really stupid, mean things, even amongst friends.

I'm sure if he remains open to people, he'll find a friend or two to hang out with. They might not be the "popular" crowd, but they might have something of far greater value to offer than simple popularity.

Hang in there, Kaish.

Tracy P. said...

I was SO not cool. I say steer clear of cool, and you will truly find your niche. That's when people will start to take notice of you, but you won't even care so much, because YOU will be happy with you. Be yourself, Kaish. LOTS of kids are on the outside looking in. Praying for you!

TheHouseWifeRookie said...

Boo :( Poor Kaish. Middle school is tough! I worked in one for 5 years and every year they would make me cry just once because they were so mean. I will say a prayer for him. Often times, hurt people hurt people. Those mean kids may not have an awesome parent to talk to! You're doin' good momma!

Kelly Quinones Miller said...

I was not a cool kid, but Kaishon is. I hope he finds his way and forgets about the mean kids.

Lisa said...

Wow, ALL of these photos are stunning. Such clarity. If only I could do that.

So sorry your little guy is having troubles. That's always so hard and we wish there was a way to make it go away, but I guess that's part of growing up.

Hope he finds some cooler kids to sit with.

Skeller said...

dang. like school's not hard enough all by itself. mean kids gotta go and make it harder. sadder. I'm glad Kaish has you to give him perspective. praying for him, that someone, lots of someones, will see his great big heart and want to redefine what they think makes one "cool".

M said...

...I wasn't cool...but you know what...I was- I just had no confidence. It was't until my 20 year high school reunion that I realized how lucky I was to be me...all the girls that I would have given anything to be like had peaked in high school...they were all the things I wasn't, and in a good way for me.

It's all part of growing up but it hurts...and makes you tougher...hang in there Kaish!

Christina (fivewalkers) said...

I'll pray...that is really sad that he is getting treated like that. Your story made me sad, too, because I know how that feels. Wanna hear something so silly? When I first got on Facebook, one of the first people to ask me to be a friend was a boy I had a crush on in middle school and on into high school. We never said one word to each other, ever, and he eventually knew about my crush, and so did others. I was never cool, and for a long time I was made fun of (I was pretty nerdy) (and I don't mean a lovely nerd, but a very nerdy nerd as far as looks go...the big coke-bottle glasses, big front teeth with a huge gap in between, and you won't believe it but I had hair that looked kind of like Kaish's hair when it's not cut. It looks great on him, but on me when I was 11? Not really.) Anyway, back to Facebook, I laughed and confirmed our friendship, because it was so ironic, and then as soon as I did confirm I had this horrifying thought,"They're making fun of me! Oh no, they are totally pranking me!" Seriously? That was over twenty years ago. It's crazy how some of that stuff can hold on to you. I really hope it gets better for him. Lord, Father, please give Kaishon a sense of his worth, that can only come from knowing he was made in your image, because you love him, and thank you for giving him the family that he has. Lord, friends are important. We are not designed to live life apart from others, we are designed to want and need companionship. I pray that you will carve out a wonderful friendship for Kaishon, one that will last through the years and through all kinds of situations. You have given him such a great personality, sustain that, God, and protect him from anyone who might try to hurt his heart, or make him think less of himself. Help him to love those who might hurt his feelings, and to know how to respond in situations with wisdom beyond his years. Help him to turn to his family, and to you. Amen.

Andrea said...

Why do kids have to be so mean? I just don't get it. These are the kinds of things I go to bed and lay awake worrying about. Seriously. And my son just turned five.
I will pray for Kaishon. And will be thinking of you both.

Dominique@Dominique's Desk said...

I was never at the cool girls table and it didn't bother me. I was more interested in studies then hanging out back then. Hope that your little guy will be able to get over it and be able to know that he's special the way he is.

Pieces of Sunshine said...

No, I wasn't cool, but it only takes one friend to make a difference.

Lovely photo story.

May said...

I never was cool and am glad that I wasn't!! Cause now I am richer and more content than the so called COOL ONES!!! Wish I were around to give cuddles to Kaish. I think my sonny and he would have gotten along very well!!!
As a mother it's very hard to come up with a solution for our kids. Keeping you all in my prayers Becky!!! And a BIG HUG to darling Kaish!!!

Seraphina´s Phantasie said...

Wonderful photos around your little Universum. Great !

April said...

Junior high can be so incredibly cruel. It's a time when you're trying so hard to find where you fit in. Someone will claim to be your friend one day and the next day, that's not the case. Lots of heartbreak and drama...and it doesn't get much better in high school. I will definitely say a prayer for Kaish! I know that he will find his way, eventually...we all do. When I was growing up, I went to a small school. In fact, my high school graduating class had only 50 students, so there really wasn't a "popular group", so to speak. Sure, we had a few kids who thought they ran the ship, but for the most part, we all got along. I was pretty lucky, I think.

Formerly known as Frau said...

Hate Jr. High kids are so mean! I'm praying Kaish has a better day and someone reaches out to him at lunch! I was not a cool kid in HS I eat lunch in the bathroom or library or not at all! I hate that time in my life!
Have a wonderful weekend!

Farmgirl Paints said...

I know this gonna be hard to believe but I was never the cool girl;). I lived in the country and played by myself 99 percent of the time. I remember what it was like to feel disliked I even switched to a Christian school in high school for that very same reason. Some older girl had it in for me. Being a kid is tough. It's those trials that make us stronger though. It made me turn to the Lord. I was the one reading my bible in study hall. I met my future husband in youth group at church. Once he came in the picture...I didn't have time to care about mean girls anymore. Praying for Kaish becky. I know how hard it is to worry about your kids.

Rachel @ A Cupcake for Moose said...

I will definitely pray for Kaishon. School is so tough. I had such a rough time in junior high that my math teacher asked the school counselor to talk to me. Awkward! I was just lonely and couldn't find a group of friends. By my junior and senior year I had an awesome group of Christian friends who totally got my quirky personality and loved me just the same. :) I was never "cool" but I was happy and enjoyed making people smile...reminds me of a certain awesome little dude named Kaishon. I wish he could see his 25 year old self and realize how awesome it is to be unique and charasmatic and not "popular." Those kids don't know what they are missing being mean to such a great kiddo. So tough...my heart breaks for him, but I will take it to the Lord in prayer. Love you Becky! Hang in there Mama! :)

t@emmons-blessings said...

I,too,will pray Becky! It hurts my heart for him, as well as those children who probably are a reflection of their parents. He is a beautiful soul, just as you! I loved the carnival ride photo today. Probably my favorite, along with K covered in snow. Oh what I wouldn't give for a good snow for the boys to play in. O misses it terribly. Anyway, continue to be the mom you are. You are a blessing, and he knows it. ;o)

be blessed,

t

Stephanie said...

Oh this does make my heart hurt:( My oldest went through the same. It stinks!! Wishing you both strength and of course will add him to my prayers!

Maddy said...

So sorry he is going through that and I'll definitely pray for him. School kids can be so cruel somtimes. I was neither cool nor popular in school. If anything, I was always a little awkward and nerdish, but I learned that I rather have one true friend than 100 "fake" ones. Hopefully Kaish will meet his true friend(s) soon. xoxo

Cake Poppin' Mama said...

My heart is breaking right now. I know exactly how he is feeling. I tried so hard to be with the "in" crowd in school but I never made the cut. I ended up hating school. I had a handful of good friends that made it worth my time but that was it. I'm so concerned for my son also next year when he hits middle school. I think he will have the same problems. I will pray for Kaish...much love being sent.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Poor Kaish...this is heartbreaking. I know he will get through it...he is a COOL kid.
I was not cool...and I had many many lunches alone, I hated it.
Lindsay pointed out to me this morning that high school is only 1/16th of our life. So, middle school has to be even less. We get through it and then we grow up to be happy, healthy and write funny blogs. :)
Love and hugs to your cool kid! They should all be so luck to sit with him.

seriouslysassymama.com said...

I was a popular girl in school. I hated it. I would have given anything to just be left alone to eat my lunch and read. My oldest is eight, and I think about this sometimes as she gets older. Your son will press on and this will just be a blip.

Em S said...

That is some tough stuff, kids can be so mean. I wasn't a cool kid, but I didn't care. We moved around a lot so doing my own thing was easier and more appealing than trying to fit in.

Kayce said...

I was NOT the popular girl in school and had longings to be in the it crowd but it never happened...today I'm so thankful I was never cool enough to be in that circle. At my 20th reunion those "cool" people didn't seem too happy in life not so cool anymore.

Kids are tough, so tough. I know my son has gone through enough pain to last him a long time. I know Kaishon will be okay because he has an amazing mom in you to help him through the tough times of teendom. Hugs to you both!

Ande said...

Visiting from the Photo Friday Link Party. GREAT pictures!!!

Helen said...

I wasn't cool in school but I did have friends to sit with. It started to change in 6th grade, i neede to choose between 2 groups. How that would of ended I don't know as we move to Holland and they don't know that kind of heavy pressure. Sure there are th cools, geeks, normaal. loser etc groups. But not that high pressure that I knew from the states.
I hurt for him too, as I went through simular moments too. It will be ok! hugs!

genderist said...

Sending good lunch vibes his way.
Have a great weekend.

Christina Klas said...

oooooh man. middle school. I work with middle school students at my church because there is a special place in my heard for the "awkward kids"... ;) I was SO uncool in middle school that it was borderline ridiculous (blogged about it a few weeks back)... can you imagine? 5.11' in 7th grade with TERRIBLE personal hygiene... haha. But I'm over it! Life gets better! WAAAY better. :) Said a little prayer for your man today (and for you - cause I'd want to punch the cool kids in the face!)

CiCi said...

So sorry Kaish is at the stage to learn about rejection. Not easy to learn. I don't remember even caring about any of the groups at school. Why do some kids fit into a group and then put up walls against other kids? Kaish can't know it now but what he learns now will help him the rest of his life. Give him a hug from me.

photowannabe said...

Oh boy, do I feel Kaishon's pain. Yes I will pray for him right now.
I was never in the popular group and Jr. High was especially painful. Why are 12 year olds so difficult?? I guess it's because they are neither young or adult yet.
It's easy to say that this too shall pass but in the crush of the moment when loneliness creeps in it can be so hard.
Just be there and love on him, so he knows where his safe place is.
Its great that he shares his hurt with you.
Love you all.
Sue

Karin said...

Poor sweet little boy. It will get better, ofcourse, but when you are in the middle of it it doesn't feel like that. I hope he'll be able to keep talking to you and I know you will be able to pour so much love into his heart that he always feels loved and treasured, no matter what silly other people say. *hug*

THE mom said...

Oh Kaish! He's such a sweet guy! I was always the shortest (go figure) and was teased a lot by the "popular" girl. :(

Henrietta Hassinen said...

School times are so bad in every way for everybody but it is just something we have to bare and it will grow us to upcoming life. I feel so sorry for your boy, it is so sad. I think teenage is most bad age I still remember mine, all those emotions, thank goodness I'm old now:)
Have a nice weekend

My Captivating Images said...

I have lots of friends who's kids are having "friend" issues this week. :( Honestly I was kind of oblivious to the "cool" table. I don't think I sat there but I really didn't care. I liked the people I sat with and I felt accepted. I didn't bother to think about the cool table much because my Dad had such serious health problems that I was much more caught up in that. I know it is hard though. It hurts when someone you like doesn't feel the same way. I will be praying for him!

Becca said...

oh poor Kaish! Actually, that kind of stuff is my deepest fear for Jayci (and Caden too), I was SO badly teased growing up and it did major damage . . . so I need to figure out HOW I'm going to handle it . . . Anyways, I will be praying for your sweet boy!

Brooke @ Covered in Grace said...

Prayers said!

Glad I found you through Andi's linkup. ;)

Brook said...

I am so sorry for his broken heart. :( I prayed and will continue to do so.

I was a "floater" in high school and not liked by the "cool girl leader" in middle school. She made me cry but I got past it. :)

:::hugs:::

Kindest regards.

deb duty said...

I'm so sorry he's having a hard time. Your photos of him are so awesome!

Jim said...

Here's hoping that Kaishon will muster up the strength to get through this very unpleasant and cruel part of growing up! He''l find his way through this, Becky.
The 'photo essay' you used here is wonderful....the 'tree in field' is a STAND OUT! And the shots of downtown too, I love looking around cities.
Thanks for dropping by today, always good to hear from you.

Jim said...

p.s. I was not one of the 'in crowd' as we called it then. Just one of the average bunch trying to fit in where I could.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

Poor guy! 2 out of 3 of my kids have a hard time making friends. Being a kid is hard work.

The Incredible Woody said...

Poor Kaish! Middle school is so hard.

PregnantPeeper said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Peeper said...

Poor guy :(

I was totally not popular in school. Ultimately, I used it to my advantage - I decided that if I wasn't going to be popular anyways then it was OK to be smart! Like you, I went on to live a fulfilling, productive adult life.

Still, I remember those days so well no matter how I try to minimize them now. They were painful and the rejection really made me feel badly about myself.

Prayers for K and hugs to you, mama. It's so hard to watch your kids hurting.