Sunday, January 4, 2009

The funniest jokes ever



A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years.


After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words.


"Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away.


Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words.


He clears his throats and says, "Bad food."


They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass.


They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says.


"That’s not surprising," the elders say.


"You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."





TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. (Jerry Seinfeld)






Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."






I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off.

So I ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

"Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?" "Well... are you religious?"

He said yes. I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

"Christian." "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant ?

"Protestant." "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?" "Baptist"

"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

"Baptist Church of God!" "Me too!

Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God!" "Me too!

Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"

He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"

I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off.

(Emo Philips)





Happy Monday!

Quince is doing well at his home!

Please keep praying.

Love,

the 5 best children in the world

(who DON'T want to go back to school tomorrow...)

Sienna, Mila, Sabria, Naji and Kaish

13 comments:

Baby Favorite said...

I love those! The Jerry Seinfeld one in particular has always cracked me up.

Quince is at home?!?! How EXCITING!!!!

Daphine said...

Great pictures as usual! Loved the jokes!

Thanks for the update on Quine! I will definitely keep praying for his complete healing! God is able!

Pumpkin Delight said...

Your pictures are just great (and those kids are so photogenic) and I love Jerry Seinfeld.

Busy Bee Suz said...

SOOOO funny. I especially like the Monk in the monestary. :)
Glad Quince is home!!!!!
Our kids get ONE more day off....I did not even know it until today.
Yes, I am a brilliant Mom. :)

Becky said...

So so funny. I loved the last one. I been pushed off a couple of bridges the same way... or was I the one pushing??? ;-) Thanks for the laugh.

April said...

Rebeckah,

You are too funny, but you sure know how to make me laugh! Thanks for sharing these jokes...love them! All your pics. are so good!

Glad to hear that Quince is doing well...my prayers will definitely continue!

My girls don't want to go to school today, either...I'm sure going to miss them!

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Thanks for the chuckles!
And the update on Quince.

Love and Blessings!

April said...

Just know that I understand how you feel with the kiddos back in school...sniff, sniff.

Big Hair Envy said...

So glad to hear the good news about Quince!!

I guess I shouldn't tell you that I'm Baptist.....

Live.Love.Eat said...

Thanks for making me laugh on this dran back to work Monday. Sweet photos!

Live.Love.Eat said...

P.S. So glad to hear the news about Quince.

The Incredible Woody said...

Those pics are great. My favorite was the one in the back of the truck!!

Katie said...

I love the jokes! Thanks for your sweet comments on my blog!