Friday, November 14, 2008

the middle finger

After 9 weeks of nearly perfect behavior, we had a snafu this week...
Kaish got in trouble for sticking his middle finger up in the recess line.
We do not do that in our house.
I have never stuck my middle finger up at anyone ever. NEVER.
He said all of his friends were doing it and he wanted to play too.
None of his friends got in trouble though.
He had to miss 3 days of recess and I got a phone call from the Principal.
(She scares me a little)
I know he feels bad that he got in trouble.
I really know that he is trying this year.
I am trying not to mention it to him 100 times a day but it is so hard.
I just want to make sure he does NOT participate in mischief like this again.
I don't understand it...
Were you good in school? Are your kids? Am I the worst Mom in America?


Big Hair Envy said...

I think that the only way a child learns limits is by pushing them!!

I was good in school, for the most part, and my daughter has been good as well. She did get called to the office once in elem. school for talking on the bus:(

My daughter once told her grandmother that it was SO hard to be good ALL of the time!!! How true:)

Elizabeth said...

No, sweetie,

You are NOT a bad mom. Your child is normal. I was a good student who tried and got good grades, but one time I got mad at my teacher and wrote how much I hated her and wanted to kill her (seriously) all over my notepad. She found it and I got in plenty of trouble.

Another time (in that same teacher's class) me and my friend got a hold of my mom's romance novel and thought the "romantic" scenes were funny, so we wrote our own book- vividly. Our teacher ALSO found that.

I was 10 when both these things happened. Just hang in there- I'm sure you're doing the best you can do.

Cortney said...

You are a great mom! He'll pull through. It sounds like he's really trying. We all slip up sometimes! Keep loving on him!

April said...

Oh, bless his heart...I'm sure he didn't mean anything by what he did! Kids will make mistakes from time to's all part of learning.

Just last week, I had a bit of an incident with Abby. She said her teacher was writing the work "neighborhood" on the board, but instead of spelling it neigh..., she spelled it niegh... Well, without thinking, Abby made an attempt to pronounce what she had written and it came out as a horrible derogatory word for African-American people. The teacher stopped what she was doing and said, "Abby, I CAN NOT believe you just said that!!!" Abby said all the kids starting booing her. Abby had absolutely NO CLUE what she'd just said! In fact, she burst into tears right on the spot because of everyone's reaction. We DO NOT and HAVE NOT said that word...EVER!! We do no raise our children to speak about other people in a derogatory manner! Abby came home that day in tears because of the humiliation she felt for what she'd accident!

Her teacher made her take a step, which is like a disciplinary warning. She called to speak with me later that afternoon. I explained that she should know my daughter's character well enough by now to know that she is not the kind of person to say horrible things about others. Abby is very loving and has friends of all colors! I told her that I felt it was a bit harsh what she had done because Abby was completely humiliated by the experience. It would have be a totally different situation if Abby UNDERSTOOD what she had said. She told me that if she didn't discipline Abby in some way, then the other students in her classroom might think that she got away with something, which I understand.

Long story short, Abby and I had a discussion about what happened and I explained to her that the word she accidentally said is a term that should never, ever be used. She understood and she went back to school the next day and all has been fine ever since.

Sorry to have rambled on, but I am certain that Kaishon will be just fine and he's learned his lesson. No worries.

Enjoy your weekend, my friend! You are an excellent Mom, by the way...who loves her kids dearly! Oh, and stop by my blog on Sunday or Monday...I'm having a giveaway!

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh wow. He obviously got caught up with his peers. Those things do happen and don't take it to heart, I am sure he has learned his lesson. I bet he won't do it ever again. NO you are not a bad Mom. Abyone can see that. Kids learn lessons by doing the wrong thing sometimes.
I DID get into trouble in school. Mostly for laughing or talking. I still laugh a lot, so I did not learn. ;)
My kids surprisingly have not got into trouble. They save all the problems for HOME. ;)

Julie said...

of course you aren't the worst mom ever!!!! You aren't...seriously...

I was HORRIBLE in school until I became a Christian. And I also knew grades didn't count until high school so I never tried until then... and that is when I became a Christian....

stargurrl13 said...

You're absolutely NOT a bad mom!!!

Kids will always pick up some bad stuff from others at's inevitable. I know it's hard to find a balance between making sure your child understands the gravity of the situation and not going overboard but it will be fine....Kaish knows you love him. I can rememeber when I would get in trouble when I was younger and my mom would say, "I get on to you because I love you and I want you to be the best kid you can be!" And all these years later, I'm so thankful my mother loved me enough to keep me in line!

I also remember the first "bad" word I mother is very strict about language and in our home, "bad" words included: fart, butt, crap. Those were as bad as any others. Anyway, when I was in the 2nd grade, everyone was saying "bull crap" and so, after a few weeks, I thought I would join the crowd.....I said it, but the wholde time I was thinking, "What if my mom finds out?" I didn't enjoy it and never said it again.

Kaish is soooooo lucky to have you. Keep doing what you're doing because you're on the right track!

Jules from "The Roost" said...

You are a wonderful mom because you care!! You have addressed it now let it go...What he did was wrong you took care of it and now let it go and Love on him.....a lot :) I felt like doing it to someone today when they slammed their car door into my car and walked off....but I didn't. ;)

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

The fact that you care shows you're a great mother. You absolutely are.

I was "good" in school but I went through a bad phase in about fifth grade where I started saying bad words just because all my friends did it. I"m sure if they had been flipping the bird I'd have done that too. But I soon realized that it was wrong and I didn't need to follow the crowd, and I never did again after that.

I think everyone has to go through that stuff to realize how dumb it is.

He'll be fine. Mostly because he has you for a mom.

Ragan said...

You are an AMAZING mom Rebeckah! Don't ever doubt that. Kids have to learn, and it's so important (and so hard) not to let their behaviour feel like a reflection on us.

I was always pretty good in school and my kids have been pretty good (not perfect)...up until Emme, and she's okay in school, it's just on the bus that she's having problems (on a daily basis). I guess it's just another part of being a parent,

Karen Deborah said...

no i was not good in school. I had ADHD and dyslexia that no one knew anything about. I wrote out sentences every day. "I will not talk in class."
My mom would've broken my finger if I did that, so nope I was a skeared of her!
Maybe he didn't even realize what he was doing, he's a little boy.

DD said...

Oh wow, I think you are a fabulous mom and kids are kids. If I never made the mistakes I made, I never would have learned from them, if I never would have had those learning experiences I wouldn't be the person I am today. Allow this to be a learning opportunity and use it as such. I love you dearly!

Jason, as himself said...

I was actually a very good kid. I only wanted to please.

However, from a teacher's perspective, if this is just a one time thing, I'd chalk it up to "boys will be boys." So, not a huge deal.

But if this continues or he continues to do stuff like it, then I would become concerned.

It's a shame that he was the only one to get in trouble for it.

PS-By the way? The fact that you are concerned shows that you are a good mom!

y2krust said...

Once in sixth grade, I asked a lunchroom monitor (also my math teacher) if she wanted a piece of candy from my lunch. She didn't respond right away, so I chucked it at her and it hit her on the backside. Lol She DRAGGED me to the principal. Today, I'm a missionary. Sometimes the naughtiest kids end up doing great things because they're full of ideas and energy. Lol

Brandi said...

I think Kaishon just had his first incident with negative peer pressure - and I see it this way, It is better to have him fall to peer pressure in this way first - where you can address it and he will learn a very valuable lesson - than to fall later in more serious ways. Children are independent creatures (smile) and they are just learning - so just look at this as a very valuable learning opportunity for him. It's one I'm sure he will never forget!
(And you are a great mom! We can all see that in your blog!)

Katie said...

Ahh I'm sorry. All kids have their moments that is for sure. There has been times that I have been very disapointed in one or both of my boys behavior. Boys can be hard at times. They really will push the limits. You are a great mom and if you weren't you would not care or want him to try better. Thanks for all your encouragment, love ya!!

Joe said...

I doubt you are a bad mom. Really, I doubt this is a big deal too. I mean my wife gave me the finger today (if she comes on here and denies it, she's lying). Kids have free will, and can make their own choices. He'll make other mistakes in his life. He may even flip other people off or drop the F bomb some day. It happens. I realize he's your son and he needs to be respectful of your rules and the rules of the school so that is something he'll have to learn and consider but people do things. Good people.
Kids are the greatest risk we take. We teach them to think for themselves and sometimes that means they don't share our values. It is what it is. Don't bring it up to him again, period. I assume you already talked to him about it.
This is a fantastic opportunity for you to show him the Grace of Jesus. Obviously, this action has a big stigma for you and I'm sure he knows that now. Use it as an opportunity to live Jesus to him. Jesus never brings up to you again the things you do that grieve him (See Psalm 34 and 36). Imagine if He did, that would suck.
I hope that sometime you and your family can come visit us or if we are on the EC we'll come visit you guys. Maybe catch a baseball game.

Live.Love.Eat said...

Uh, HOW can you possibly question your qualifications as a Mom when you started out that post saying something about 9 weeks of perfect behavior. That's a feat in itself. He is a boy still and will be influenced sometimes by his peers but will learn from his mistakes. This is not 10 steps back so don't be so hard on yourself!!!!!

kouji said...

interesting. i'm sure you're doing great. :) kids need rules, order, and discipline. :) he'll thank you when he's older, and especially when he has kids of his own. :)

kristen@nosmallthing said...

Oh my, you are SO not a bad mom! It's funny that this came up. I was just telling my 8 year old daughter yesterday how I had gotten in trouble at school when I was 7 because I put peas in my milk during lunch. :) I was a very good girl, but just that once, I felt the urge to goof off. It happens to all the kids. Some get caught, some don't. Every now and then, it is good to push the limits. Those that push the limits are the ones that make changes for the better possible. Although, flipping someone the bird doesn't necessarily equate to 'change for the better.' But you know what I mean. :) He'll be fine, and so will you!

Becky said...

I did it to my mom once :-0 It was not pretty. You are a good mom. Kaish knows this... in the big pic its not that bad... not acceptable... but not as bad as it could have been.

Daphine said...

I'll start are toally not a bad Mom! Girl, please! When I first started reading your blog, my very first impression was that Kaish was the apple of your eye and that you were a very proud happy Mom! My kids hate to hear me say this...but I was a good kid in school. I never got into any trouble. Now, Morgan has had a little trouble when we first put her into public school when she entered 7th grade. She feel in with the wrong crowd. It was nothin earth shattering...but totally out of character for her in the crowd of girls she picked. She's learned a huge lesson since then. Now with our little one, Jaelyn, she had a little bit of trouble with chattering too much last year. We had the color system...gree (good), yellow (warning) and red (big trouble and parent to be called). She made it to yellow maybe 7 or 8 times. Thank God she never got the red one. In any case, kids will be kids. Kaish will be fine. I must say that 9 weeks and no problems is pretty awesome! Hang in there and continue to pray for him daily!

Mental P Mama said...

You seem like a wonderful mom to me. He tried it, he was punished for it. I would let it go. I bet he learned his lesson. Besides, he's too cute to be too much of a troublemaker;)

Mom on the Run said...

Rebeckah -- You are definitely not a bad mom. I find the hardest part of being a parent of a school-aged child is that I cannot be in the classroom/recess/lunch with them. I hate seeing the phone with the school number on never know what the call will be about.

I have two kids who are always the ones caught doing the "fill in the blank" activity while the other kids get away with it. I think teachers have to go with whoever they saw doing it and won't budge...not fair to kids.

smiles4u said...

As embarrassed as I am to admit this, I was very rotten in school. I got into a lot of trouble which I regret now. But, what I learned from all of it, has helped me as a parent.

The fact that it concerns you shows what a good mother you are. Your son is still a good boy. He made a bad choice to follow something the other boys taught him and he happened to get caught. In ways I think it's good he got caught so you could deal with it early on, before it becomes a habit. This is an opportunity for one of those teaching moments with your son.

When my kids were young(they are all grown now (ages 19-27)I would pray that they would never prosper in doing evil. That if they did something wrong that they would be caught so that they wouldn't get away with it. And I would find out and I then had an opportunity to teach them(what I call teachable moments). And it always seemed to work. My kids didn't get away with anything. I always found out. My kids were not bad kids by any means but they were normal kids.

Not long ago, one of my children heard me talking about this to someone and said "Mom, so it was your fault we always got were praying for it!" And I proudly said "Yes." And I pray this way for my two little people that I'm raising now too. Anyways, that's my two cents worth!

HappyWifeHappyLife said...

Awww. Honey, this breaks my heart that you asked if you are a bad Mom. The fact that you even ASK this question should ANSWER the question! It's so clear (even though I don't know you, but by your blog, and how you write about your family) that you are a wonderful mom! Kids are kids, and boys (especially!) will do "stuff" to test the boundaries! My son, who is normally a very well behaved kid, has used the "MF" word (yes, THAT word... which obviously we NEVER use at home) and, in pre-K, he felt the need to show a little girl his weinie. (Apparently he was proud of it.) So, PLEASE don't feel bad.

Kids are just like us - IMPERFECT. Just continue to love your son unconditionally, set clear boundaries for him, and let him know that there are consequences for his actions. I'm sure you are doing ALL those things already! But please don't feel badly about this.

And as far as what I did as a kid???!!! Oh my.... this comment would go on for CHAPTERS if we started on that.... let's just say I went through a VERY rebellious phase but, ultimately, I turned out just fine. And Kaishon will too.

Last, but most importantly, ask God for guidance - for you, Kaishon, and your family. He will give it to you, and give you peace.

Blessings to you!